Life. Whatever, skate, wakeboarding, girls, and chill, that’s what it’s all about. People stress way too much. I swear if more business men would take up some water sports and learn to relax Wall Street would be so much better. Just chill bro’s. I hate reading the news, everyone and everything always seems so chaotic. That’s why I love the summer time and the lake, just me, the boat, the board, some bro’s, and NO chaos of the world. Rockin’ my shades, listening to some tunes, catching some air, shredding the nar, that’s what it’s all about. Enjoy the summer Bro’s, stop stressing about all the things you can’t control. I know some people would say I need to get a job and be more responsible, but when I see the way men are married to their jobs and not their wives, which in turn impacts their kids, case in point, my life, why would I want to be “successful?” No thanks. I’ll just chill this summer, and leave all the chaos and stress up to the dudes who don’t see the value in relaxing with their family. Peace

-Chillin, Male-Age 18

Austin Mann Photography

“I don’t understand this whole God thing! There are things that He does that just don’t make sense to me. Also I don’t get how anyone can be 100% man and 100% God, wouldn’t that be 200%? You can’t have 200% of anything. I continually wrestle with my mind while my heart rest at ease at the thought of who Jesus is and knowing He resides in my soul. My issue is my brain.

I don’t need all the answers, I just want the answers I do have to make sense. The more I reasearch who He is the more confused I become. This is not what I desire. So does this mean I should stop attaining knowledge about who He is? Of course not, but there is something special about having a child like faith and not letting all my logical and philospohical reasonings to become a blockade.

My thoughts are complicated and all over the map. One minute I believe whole-heartedly in who Jesus is and the next second I wrestle with who He really was and is. I don’t know, I guess I was just curious to see if any of you out there wrestle with these same thoughts. I don’t need your educated responses as to why I should believe in Jesus either, I’ve heard them all, what I want to know is if any of you can relate to me!”

-Wrestling, Male-Age 18

“Numbness. Nothing. I can’t feel anything. I don’t why. But nothing seems to really make sense. Writing my only outlet, the one place I can truly express all of my feelings, feelings that don’t even make sense. All my words scrambled and jumbled within my heart. I just feel like I’m existing, not living. Just going through the routine so I can be done with the day, hoping that tomorrow will be better.
But it’s not, it never is. It’s always the same. Maybe the problem is that I’m surrendering everything to this paper I write them on and not the God I claim to follow. But He has been so silent lately. Does He really even care? Would He even be able to conquer my every fear and worry? Of course He would. He conquered death itself. But then again, He is silent. I don’t even feel like he’s there. Of course I don’t feel anything.
I don’t even know! Ugh! I want to believe that He’s there. But it’s so hard to when He’s silent. Maybe it’s because I’m fake. I try so hard not to be. But I want people to like me and I want them to desire to be friends with me. But if I’m fake are they really my friends?
I don’t know. So many questions flying around in my head. But they’re stuck, they can only come out on my paper, I’m too scared to verbally share these thoughts with anyone due to the fear of judgment, or they won’t listen. Numb.”
-Hurting Inside, Age 16

“I’m falling. I can feel myself going lower and lower. I feel helpless. Useless. Worthless. Stupid. I feel like a mistake. What am I doing here? I don’t belong. I don’t think I ever will. I tried to explain how I feel to a friend but they wouldn’t even listen. People just judge me because my faith isn’t on fire like theirs, or like they pretend they are. I’m just so confused about this whole faith thing. Even talking about it with other so called Christians just makes me feel stupid.

Everyone I ever talk to just acts like they have all together which makes me feel even worse because I know I don’t have it all together. I don’t know what to do. I need help. I need someone older and wiser. But seriously there is no one. And I don’t want to be a burden or annoying to anyone. I’m lost and I don’t know what to do. I’m just falling and I’m scared because there is no one there. I’m on my own. Alone. It’s something I’ve come to accpet in my life. I’m lonely and I always have been. I hate it.

And I know what all of you are thinking! God is there, He always knows what you’re thinking and cares for you. I know that in my head but it won’t transfer to my heart. Now what? I can never feel Him with me. I feel like God is angry with me right now. I’m terrified of Him, He scares me to death! Oh well, I guess I’ll try to figure this thing out…….alone.”

-Feeling Alone, Age 17

Austin Mann Photography

Lots accomplished today. Patience and persistence got the job done. That’s how things have to be handled sometimes and I’m glad people were able to see that I can accomplish things with this tactic instead of with anger and force like so many others do. I will however say I understand how tempting it is just to tell people how uneducated they sound. Even saying that though… I know taking the high road and killing with kindness leaves the situation feeling like an accomplishment rather than a guilty pleasure. I know I still need to practice patience everyday. I seem to be so impatient with my little brother and parents sometimes, and I realize that at the core of my impatience is really my own selfishness. So today I will practice patience, hopefully tomorrow I’ll do the same.

-Patience, Female-Age 17

Austin Mann Photography

“Let me start off by saying that I think my parents are awesome and I love them so much. So I hope in now way that If they found out I wrote this they take offense to this, it is not directed towards them. I’ve been wrestling a lot lately about who I am, and I want to know who my real parents are. I feel like if I only knew them I would be able to know so much of who I am. And if I were to be extremely honest, the fact that I’m adopted has created insecurities within my bones. The people that were suppose to love me most are the very ones that abandoned me. Where are they? Who are they? Do they even care to know how my life is going? Do they have any desire at all to meet their own kid?

All of my friends have their real birth mom and birth dads. I want to be different, but what I don’t want is strangers to always look at me when I’m with my family as the different one. Whenever we walk into a restaurant everyone looks at our family, and then they look at me, and their eyes say it all, “Oh, He must be the one they adopted.” So even though I love my brother and sister, they don’t have to deal with what I deal with. I often wonder about the frustration they deal with, knowing I steal some of the attention away from their real mom and dad. I didn’t choose this, so I hate that they would blame me. I’m thankful, for if it wasn’t for my adopted parents who knows where I would be right now. It’s just tough, I guess that is all I’m really trying to say. I know my teacher suggests finding my identity in Christ, and that God is my father who never abandons me, but knowing that doesn’t heal the wounds.”

-Adopted Teen, Male-Age 16

Austin Mann Photography

I have no idea what I want to do with my life! What I do know is that the life I am currently living is not the one I want. Last month I couldn’t stop thinking about the direction my life is heading, and how I don’t want to go in that direction any longer, so I’ve stopped hanging out with old friends, stopped doing the things I was doing, and did a 180 as far as changing my ways and the people I surround myself with. Although I feel like I’m making better decisions now, I have no idea the direction my life is headed. I just don’t know what I want to do with my life, I know I want to do something I just don’t know what. And I don’t want to wake up 20 years from now doing something I hate just because I wanted more money or felt like I needed to work because that’s what my parents expected. What about what God expects? I wish He would tell me. Give me a little direction at least. I don’t feel like wasting my time taking a bunch of college classes that won’t benefit my career. Aaaghhh, I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and I feel pressure from parents, peers, and mentors to do something! But What?! I’m tired of aimlessly walking through life. Lord please give me direction. Guide me down the path where You will use my strengths. What are my strengths? What would I love to do? Be really good at? There has to be something, doesn’t there? Give me Purpose Lord, I want direction.

-Directionless, Male-Age 19

Austin Mann Photography

Why can’t I do anything right, ever? It’s because of my stupid tongue and my stupid brain. Half the time I just blurt out things without thinking and the rest of the time where I think about it my dumb brain let’s me say stupid things still. I just make myself so mad, I wish someone would just knock me right in the jaw and tell me not to be so stupid. I rely so much on everyone else but I don’t know why. My friends all take me for granted. I try to be so nice and encouraging to them. I tell them I’m here for them and that I won’t tell their secrets and that I really care, and I really do, but I guess my friendship isn’t worth anything to them because they disregard everything I say. All they do is use me. They don’t need me until everyone else has failed them. I’m the safety rope, the last resort, and I hate it!

They say they love me, heck, some even tell me I’m a good friend, and, I feel like I am. THEN WHY CAN’T ANYBODY FREAKING LOVE ME OR CARE ABOUT ME THE WAY I DO FOR THEM? It’s like I don’t even matter. I’ve always wanted to go, move, far away, because hey, you don’t know what you got until it’s gone. Ugh, they all make fun of me, too. I guess I wouldn’t blame them, though. I ‘d make fun of myself too, because of all the stupid things I say and do, if only I didn’t have to live with myself. Gosh I can’t even do anything right when I’m alone. (more…)

Austin Mann Photography

“People say that home is where the heart is. If this is true then my home clearly isn’t with my biological parents, its not with my friends I see everyday out of the year, its not with my church, its with the people I see one month out of the year at summer camp. I value the camp experience, as I have fallen in love with heading out to camp for a month each summer. Camp is so much more than just a way to get away from home. The relationships I have formed there and the experiences I have had have changed my life from the inside out. It breaks my heart that I won’t be heading back this year since I am preparing to head off to College in the fall. It feels like there is something missing, like an empty hole is in my chest. I really really love Camp. (more…)

Well, I’m not sure if I should treat this like some Catholic confession booth, but here it goes. Mom and Dad I’ve been lying to you for over a year. Too be completely honest, you two never even know where I am on the weekends, but I’m not sure you really care enough to want to know. I figured if you really cared you would’ve figured it out by now, unless I’ve become that great at lying. Dad is always busy with work, and Mom you are too consumed with what your friends think and making sure you continually paint a picture perfect family to everyone that your own daughter has disappeared right before you. (more…)

Austin Mann Photography

“Numbness. Nothing. I can’t feel anything. I don’t why. But nothing seems to really make sense. Writing my only outlet, the one place I can truly express all of my feelings, feelings that don’t even make sense. All my words scrambled and jumbled within my heart. I just feel like I’m existing, not living. Just going through the routine so I can be done with the day, hoping that tomorrow will be better.
But it’s not, it never is. It’s always the same. Maybe the problem is that I’m surrendering everything to this paper I write them on and not the God I claim to follow. But He has been so silent lately. Does He really even care? Would He even be able to conquer my every fear and worry? Of course He would. He conquered death itself. But then again, He is silent. I don’t even feel like he’s there. Of course I don’t feel anything.
I don’t even know! Ugh! I want to believe that He’s there. But it’s so hard to when He’s silent. Maybe it’s because I’m fake. I try so hard not to be. But I want people to like me and I want them to desire to be friends with me. But if I’m fake are they really my friends?
I don’t know. So many questions flying around in my head. But they’re stuck, they can only come out on my paper, I’m too scared to verbally share these thoughts with anyone due to the fear of judgment, or they won’t listen. Numb.”
-Numb, Female-Age 16