I hurt someone today. I mean really hurt someone, to the point where honestly they have every right to pick up and go. To leave my sorry broken self in the dust. I lied to her. I lied to self preserve my brokeness out of fear. And in the process I allowed one of the only people who has ever loved me well to become collateral damage. And now I’m kicking myself because I hurt her, and because I let her get to close. I never would have had to lie if she hadn’t gotten so close, if she hadn’t cared so much that she began to threaten the very life I have painstakingly built for myself brick by brick. But she did because she’s a good friend, but my first response is to shove her away and preserve all of the joys I have found for myself here to block out the pain. And so I lied. Right to her face, and I saw the trust grow in her eyes. And then after an extremely long night with lots of tears and lots of journaling and bible reading I realized that I made collateral damage out of one of four people who I would never want to hurt. And so I wrote a letter. Because lets face it I could never tell her face to face. I told her of my lie, of how sorry I was and how broken it made me feel to lie to her. And I expected the worse. I planned for yelling, disappointment, and a withdraw of friendship. Yet I received a love and a grace that sees more. She forgave me. On the spot, not even thinking about it she forgave me. And she told me that with a hug and a smile in tow. She forgave me when I scorned her. She literally showed me what the heart of Jesus looks like. What grace looks like. She stayed when I expected her to go, and because of that I think that I understand the love of God better. I understand forgiveness, grace, and love look like because of her. Because when I lied and ran from her arms of caring for me, when I spat in her face looked into her eyes and lied, she showed me a love that sees more. A love that puts all other kinds to shame. She loved me and loved me well. And because of that I see Jesus more, I understand him better. And this came to me through a women who cared for broken me when she had every right to turn and flee.
-Learning what it means to lie, Female age 19